(This is an excerpt from my Science Fiction/Comedy novel in progress -- The Adventures of Danger Dave, a story of Galactic Exploration and High Adventure, produced and broadcast by 21st Century Weasel Entertainment.)
By Rick Carlson
Welcome, Weasel Watchers, to the "Wild and Wacky World of Wendy and Wally", watching and waiting each week for the latest celebrity news, gossip, and outright fabrication. This week, we begin once again with Danger Dave and the crew of the Terra Vision galactic star ship. For our viewers who missed last week’s program, here are a few of the highlights….roll clips!
[Explosions…chases…more explosions… undercover mission…rebel fighting…untended coffee farms…up-ended coffee trucks…coffee beans scattered on a road…leading to: a one-on-one meeting between Danger Dave and Xiggy Xambini (local Galactic Mafia crime boss). The meeting was obviously shot from a hidden camera under poor light with questionable audio feed. Finally, we get a quick glance at the most recent headlines for the Galaxy Gossip and other tabloid newspapers - "Danger Dave Linked with Galactic Mafia", "Is Danger Dave a ‘Family’ Man?", "Dave Spills the Beans", and "Crime Boss or Hero - Is There a Difference?".]
In related news, the price of coffee went up 5%, trading in Star Luck’s stock was heavy, and many local police units beefed up patrols, as well as protection payments from local businesses, according to a reliable inside anonymous source. In other news, stock in Star-Crossed Cruise Lines doubled by day’s end after Danger Dave and his crew moved out of their local area, but dropped back down 20% when Dave announced that the entire crew would be returning "soon" to spend some shore leave. Around mid-day today, Dave’s personal spokesperson stated that Dave, while on a routine solo mission, single-handedly defeated the entire population of Planet Vacua. When questioned about the population size, an exact number was not given, but was described as "un-countable." - Way to go, Dave!
In local news, New Hollywood was the victim of a practical joke today when residents awoke to discover that someone had painted the town red. Literally. Houses, trees, cars, streets, even backyard pets were not spared. After about 20 minutes, the "paint" dissipated into the atmosphere, leaving behind a faint, but unmistakable aroma of freshly cut roses. A spokesrebel from COLA (or "Clean Our Local Atmosphere") claimed responsibility for the prank by the group and added that the "paint" was a natural bio-engineered microorganism that feeds on pollution. No charges were filed, and the general opinion voiced by a random sampling of local residents was summarized as "nice, but strange for a Tuesday."
For those of you interested in celebrities of the artificial variety, last night’s HAL awards stretched into overtime, lasting a full 3,526,789 nanoseconds - a new record, a full 312,481 nanoseconds longer than last year. Sili-Crystal hosted the event as usual, broadcasting live from the comfort of his home page."The Adventures of Danger Dave, Galactic Hero" Copyright © 2000, Carl Erick "Rick" Carlson